Not just another day

Today, was rough. I wanted something to numb me. But I had nothing.

I walked the halls and did not know how I got from the car to the cubicle and back.

I do not know if I had breakfast.

I do not know if I spoke to people passing by.

I still have work to do so I started to write but couldn’t find the words.

But I got through the day. It doesn’t seem like I sat in that cubicle 8 hours.

I found my way home and started looking for busy work to do but couldn’t finish anything I started.

I went to window shopping but didn’t see anything I liked.

Then my daughter reminded me that it was time for TaeKwondo . So off we go. And I’m going to sit here and watch her and listen to the kids and giggles and muffled sounds.

And while I’m sitting here,

The only thing I know to, do for this one moment in time, is to sit here and block out everything and think about absolutely nothing but my daughter. In TaeKwondo. Smiling and learning something new. Being proud of herself. Earning her blue belt. And just being alive.

Otherwise, I will think of nothing….

Absolutely

Nothing

………….

Help me God!

This unfortunately is also part of my Mosaic……

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Perfection Obsession

Why are we SO obsessed with perfection?

And WHO have we given the power to set that standard?

We live in a world where there’s a perfection checklist and we obsess with whichever box we can mark. EVERY ONE of us checks at least one box daily! Many are in a constant competition to check as many boxes as possible. (#Goals).

We obsess over physical appearance. Weather it be facial features (if not accepting of natural born, we seek surgeon altered and rely on the vision in our minds to be sculpted on our facial canvas). **Side note** DO you know that regardless of your DNA, your body, especially your face is genuinely sculpted by your atmosphere and your personality? The very facial expressions that make you YOU, are the ones that exercise the muscles and tone in your face. The more you exercise those muscles, the more specific your face gets. A surgeon cannot duplicate facial personality. However, they can create a visualization based on your description.

We obsess over skin (color, texture), and we use that as categorization and status. Those born darker are viewed as lesser species than those born lighter. However, those born lighter yet can “choose” darkness (tan) are viewed as more appealing. We want the facial wrinkles gone but neglect the natural progression of human skin. Then we cover it with makeup and potions. We want blemish free, smooth, hairless skin.

We obsess over hair (length, color, volume, texture). Even to the point that we have actually pass LAWS telling other people how they may not wear their hair! We actually obsess over the follicles growing out of someone else’s head, while ignoring the fact that many cannot even grow hair or have lost majority of their own hair. And we approve of the illusion of “approved” hair. Then there’s the eyebrow obsession!!! Two patches of hair stuck near the top of your face and we obsess over perfecting them!!!!  It’s HAIR… It’s….. HAIR….. HAIRRRRRR!

We obsess over height, weight. It is desirable to be taller, but when asked my cousin about life at 6’8″, he would just look at you and duck as he enters a room. Just imaging spending your whole life dodging doorways, going to specific shop that sell your size. We obsess over a weight chart that tells us what should be a desirable weight. Two people of the same height can weigh the same but the use of their body has the weight distributed differently, yet we have been conditioned to judge ourselves one against the other to determine which body is “closest to perfect”.

We obsess over behaviors like how we walk. How many times have you walked into a room and thought, I must walk up right, don’t lean, don’t “walk funny”? I have been told that I prance when I walk. I can see that. But that prance comes from concentrating on getting where I am going without stumbling. And from being elated to walk again after breaking my leg and having to re-learn to use that leg. After the accident, I was on a walker, then a boot, then a limp then a slow walk and have progressed into a “gait” as some call it and I can wear heels again!!!! While You watch the WAY I walk, I am just glad to be ABLE to walk again. I dated a man who said he had a limp when he walked. I knew he had been in an accident and I knew it did some damage to his body but in all the years I knew him, I never saw a limp. I always liked his walk. It was in my eyes a confident swag and I found it attractive. The things we obsess about, others view differently…

We obsess over the way we talk, the language we use, not acknowledging that every physical tongue is different. Everyone’s brain process things differently. The way we hear, process and repeat sounds are different.  If I write read and read, same word is pronounced two different ways. Why cannot dialect be accepted the same? If you close your eyes and listen to babies, you will begin to differentiate between them. They may have different tones, different rhythms, but they are singing the same song. They can communicate what they want without changing to mimic that of the other baby. All that baby knows is how to use HIS voice to communicate HIS need. Until he is older and conditioned to communicate differently.

We obsess the job we choose, often choosing a job of status rather than a profession of fulfilment. WE obsess over the possessions we acquire, Reaching for name brands or flashy, catchy items then we obsess over “protecting them”.

We obsess over the “name” we are given. Our…. NAME….. Name…. the title that we are given at birth, the compilation of letters and sounds that we answer to when we identify that someone is addressing us specifically. Our….. Name… we obsess over a Name and what we consider acceptable to call and be called… a Name!!!!! We don’t care that edibles are called Kumquat or Cucumber, Pickle or Turmeric. We don’t care that you call it a sedan or a limousine, a bike or a rollerblade… all these are funny sounding words to me! We accept all of that, but we obsess over someone named Jaquesha or Ladarion, Quintesha, or Ubunfu**. It is perfectly acceptable to name a girl Violet or Rose like the flowers but frowned upon to name a child Mercedees after a vehicle… Why do we make ourselves council over what is an acceptable…. NAME…. a complication of sounds and syllables that you chose to respond to… a…. NAME. I personally would love to have named my child after a musical note. I believe music is the love language. But it’s much too difficult to translate a musical note into language.

We obsess over where we were raised, where we were educated. As if we had a choice and as if that makes us more important.

What kind of car we drive, what garments we choose, what type devices we have.…. (The label of another person/entity draping us as if we made them ourselves, wearing our OWN names). And the list goes on and on…

My question is this: After you’ve checked off your list of perfection, When you close your eyes, When you feel your breath, When you lay awake, Are you happy now? Are…. You…. PERFECT?

~”In pursuit of a perfect society, what’s being lost along the way?”

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Heaven & Angels

Why are we so fascinated with Heaven?

Why are we so fascinated with angels?

Isn’t the story of Lucifer that he was an angel? So does that means Angels have feelings?

Aren’t feelings a human thing? Haven’t we been told that we will shed human behavior, and this body when we “get there”?

If that is the case then why were/are feelings allowed in heaven? Isn’t heaven where God loves? If God was in a perfect place, why would he create and allow negativity in his home. Not the earth specifically designed for humans but heaven where humans are trying to go. Don’t each emotion need the other? If you don’t know sadness, you won’t know joy right? So are feelings then redefined in heaven? If there’s no sadness then there’s no happiness. Don’t earthly feelings need the opposite in order to be true? If you don’t know and understand harm then you won’t know what safety means. No trouble, you won’t know peace…

Isn’t heaven a place described as free of earthly ways? If you die then become another being that still has feelings and go to a place that’s similar but different then what’s the point of going?

And apparently there are the range of feelings allowed in heaven because Lucifer had anger, jealousy and malice in mind right? But heaven is/ was a place of peace. Doesn’t feelings work along with the brain? If your brain goes to heaven then you have thoughts… so do you carry memories and habits? If so doesn’t that make us flawed humans which on earth is viewed as sinful?

We’re then all angels stripped of feelings after Lucifer? If heaven didn’t change after Lucifer then What stops “new angels” from rising up? Is there a constant good vs evil and banishment battle in heaven? If so then why would you want to go there and still have the feelings of the old world you came from? How can you be in her presence of God and be sad? But sadness is a feeling and if sadness is removed then how do you know joy?

If you believe that you go to heaven and become an angel that will be happy to see your loved ones when they “cross over”, is that really heaven? Because that would mean that you have the spirit of longing in order to even know that there’s a void right?

If you can recognize that person and have those feelings mean you have a humanly functioning brain right? So if that’s the case, does this worldly conditioning follow you? If not then does this worldly brain capability follow you? If so then would heaven be also constantly changing because new beings are thinking.

But we wouldn’t use that portion of our brain because we would be so overwhelmed with joy that we will just ignore all that and just praise God right? But where does the overwhelming joy come from and who controls it? Lucifer was in Gods presence yet he rose up, had or developed negative feelings then was banished. Where did his feelings come from? If he always had them then why?

If people become angels then where are the original angels? Is it similar to the theory of evolution or the Big Bang theory?

If you go to heaven and you’re looking out over your loved ones on earth then are you glorifying God who is in your presence? Isn’t that stressful to finally be free and in another world but you have to watch over people still her?

Or are all these our human way to explain the unknown that we simply cannot comprehend in order to fill a need to be fed?

I’ts a head in the cloud day for me!

ItsMe!

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Purge

A necessary process!!

Purging has been one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done in my entire life!!!! And if you know my story, you know that I’ve been through a WHOOOOOOOLE LOT!!!! Going through is nothing compared to letting go!

I’ve had to get rid of people, places and things, habits, traditions, thoughts, fears. Spiritual purge…. is kicking my butt!!!!

But it feels so dang good!!!

If you wanna know real freedom, PURGE! It’ll really show you the truth!

Purge does not mean throw away stuff. It means doing an evaluation and determine what needs to be LET GO of, what needs mending and what needs growth. Then take action!

If you wanna hold on to something, LET IT GO!!! Then you’ll know the truth!

Have you ever cut your hair only to watch it grow faster, longer and healthier? Cut off a spot off produce and save the good part? Cut a string hanging off a garment so it won’t cause a snag? Cut a rose bush and watch it bloom beautifully?

Now understand that you can cut some weeds and they grow back stronger too. Those battles require a little extra identification and extra help!.

When you purge a person, you will figure out if you’re attracted to that particular person or do they just have a particular personality you are attracted to? What about that about that job are you latched to? Stability? Salary? Skill? Which skill? That house that’s requiring a lot, what are your options?

Let go of habits and see how light you feel. Evaluate why do I do that? Let go of routines and see how free you feel. What happens if you try something new? Let go of excuses and see how quickly you’ll earn respect.

Let go of that person that’s been trying to leave. If it’s meant to be, they’ll come back humble and strong. Let go of fear. What’ll happen if you TRY?

Go through each day and evaluate yourself and decide who you want to be?

How do I get where I want to be? What do I need to change? Stop? Grow? Learn?

When I purge, I go through a variety of emotions. Sadness from the detachment. Loss (missing it, them). Hurt. Anger that I held on for so long. Happy that I finally let go. Confused about what to let go. Insecure about the decision to let go. Then finally peace (unexplainable).

Keep in mind that when you purge, it is with the intent to make room for something better. Whether better is to improve something existing or to make room for something totally new. I don’t know what the future holds but I know that I cannot progress with baggage. I have to start by letting go…

#ItsMe

#GrowthIsAlwaysGood

“I only know one song but I’ll sing it for you” ~6’8MDM

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God and negativity cannot co-exist

Maaaaannnnn!!!!

What’s wrong with people?!

People are so judgmental, shallow, deceitful, janky!

Mean, nasty, arrogant “woke folk” getting just as bad as mean, nasty, deceitful, judgmental, hypocritical Christians. Regurgitating words and spewing negative energy! Ain’t nobody right but YOU huh?!

Hhmph!!

That’s why I can’t stand titles. Groups. Cliques. None of that. I operate off of energy and some of y’all repel people with your spirit then top it off with opening your mouth.

I don’t care if you’re right or wrong, if negative energy precedes you then how’s anyone going to hear your “message”? Why should we listen to YOU?!

I can close my eyes and literally feel what kinda spirit surround me without even touching. I can hear someone voice or read someone words and their spirit pops out at me. I can pick up vibes from people I don’t know and receive messages from those that I do. I can tell when an energy walks in the room or leaves. As long as I can remember, I’ve always had that ability. I used to try and run away from that because it’s too much at times to be able to read folks like that. Its DRAINING!!! It’s much easier to worry about only me and “mine”. But it’s not something that you can just turn off….

Some folk need a good cleansing. God and negativity cannot dwell together. Choose ye this day! I guarantee you that the God within you will be very powerful if you surrender that negativity. Give it up! Just let it go! Focus on being one with God! Then just do YOUR thang! Forget the rest of that mess. Retrain your brain!! CONTROL YOURSELF!!!!!! Yes, it is Simple as that! Leave titles and negativity alone. It has no place in progress!

Peace and blessings upon you. I’m protecting my space. I cannot allow negativity not deceit around me in any form. Y’all can have that!

Sunlight and clouds, rainbows and fluffy clouds, birds chirping and people laughing, a cool breeze on a summer day, a perfectly brewed cup of coffee any day! Bubble bath and a back rub. The sunset over nature. Whoosah!!!

Climb a mountain and scream! Go dance in the rain! Paint something! Blast your music! Take a bubble bath! Lay in silence! Listen to the birds! Watch the wind effects!

SOMETHING!!!!

Something!!!

Sheesh!!!

Forget whatever they are currently spraying us with in those chemtrails. How about y’all burn some sage up there and just clean the whole darn planet!!

Are y’all THAT upside down unhappy with your WHOLE LIFE?!

Really y’all?!

If you don’t like it then change it. Just do it!!!

#YourLifeYourChoice

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“You ain’t scared to get your hands dirty.

So recently I drove past a restaurant that had a grill outside smoking and the griller tending to it. I was drawn to it, the appeal, the atmosphere which caused me to remember the name then research it.

So I asked, what’s this place Chatterbox BBQ that I passed? Then the comments came in! People that knew the owner, people that have eaten there, people telling reviews, dish recommendations, and even someone that told me where they will be setting up mobile to serve. My initial observation plus the enthusiasm of the people when they spoke of this place made me want to try it even more!

Well about a week later, them came to me! (Well, Not specifically for me, but I’ve convinced myself that fate would have it so :)). I waited my turn in the line, then when it was my turn, I pondered the selections. I didn’t know what to try, it all looks so good. I asked what each item was, then I got to one dish in particular then stopped. I could just taste it by looking at it, so I asked about it. “Brisket” the chef said. My eyes sparked! That’s what I want, I said (while remembering the text that recommended that I “Have to try the brisket and the sauce, I don’t know what exactly he puts in this sauce but I’ve never tasted anything like it”.). The chef took his time, answered my questions, I told him what I was loking for, he made is recommendations and served with confidence and a smile…..What do you know, there was only one business card left. You can have it, he said.

So I tried the brisket and the sauce and oh my!… This is wonderful! I replied to the text I previously received. To which the response was, “The brisket is so good you can cut it with a fork huh)? I said I don’t know, I used my fingers!

“You ain’t scared to get your hands dirty. Love it.”

After tasting the brisket, I now have a craving enough to drive to their restaurant for another meal. I pull out the business card and even card itself is simple, yet inviting!

If the restaurant is anything like the curb appeal, the energy driving by, the recommendations, the personable first encounter with the chef and the taste of the first selection I had, I am pretty confident that I will enjoy the  Social-Culinary-Eatery aspect of the experience! Looking forward to it!

Thumbs up #Nooga!

CHATTER BOX BBQ- Chattanooga, TN

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Relationships…..

I really don’t understand when married guys ask me, who they know is single, for relationship advice. My answer will always be this:

Disclaimer:

Yes I’m divorced. Yes It was my decision. Yes I DO believe in marriage and yes, I DO want to be married. No I do not “advocate” divorce. But the reality is that divorces do happen…. But that does not always have to be the outcome…..

My advice for BOTH parties:

#1 COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE Nobody can see inside your brain! Talk but also LISTEN (for the purpose of understanding). Remember ONENESS is the goal!

#2 Date your spouse, your girlfriend whomever you choose to be with! You be their PEACE, their relief. Their reason to smile. Their place to relax. …. lets be friends…. let’s just ENJOY one another’s existence!

#3 Know who’s your enemy and who’s your peace. Don’t nobody want to fight the battles of this world then come home a confrontational spirit. We are supposed to DO LIFE TOGETHER.

#4 Continue to learn about each other. We all change. I get excited to learn new things about my man. Explore Each other!!

#5 learn how to juggle. Yes there are many things our plate but we’ve got to learn to manage it ALL and prioritize. Yes be a good parent and contribute to our lives but pour into ME too!!! I want to feel those moments that’s like it’s just you and I in this world.

#6 But I don’t want to be your everything. Have friends. Grow our circle, do YOU. Friends are important and help make ya who we are. Keep you some good friends around…. Just respect the space that I have and hold and honor me but recognize that we are individuals that need a little space.

At the point that I am your WIFE!!! That means it’s you and me in this relationship. There is no middleman in a marriage. Period. That’s a title untouched by anyone or anything else.

You cannot CONTROL another person but you can grow with them.

I am no relationship expert but I know what doesn’t work and what’s lacking. These are just a few, but bottom line is we are supposed to do life together. That means we Figure it out together. Enjoy together. And together ain’t one-sided. It’s not hard. Just have to make choices….

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