Ego.

One thing you will never catch me doing is talking about someone else. Through my struggles, it wasn’t the struggle itself that hurt as much as the reactions and treatment of others. That is coming from family and non, people you know and those you don’t.

I never want to be that person that feel like I “made it” high enough to sit on the throne judging others. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DEALING WITH OR WHAT THEY FACE!

I have been that woman going to the store in a bonnet and you know what, fighting depression, it took every bit of energy for me to even GET OUT OF THE BED!!!!!!!!!!

I’ve been that wayward teenager who learned at 5 YEARS OLD that NOBODY HAS YOUR BACK BUT YOU. NOBODY… (Innocence lost) It took me decades to take down my own wall (that i didn’t even understand existed) to trust people. Can you imagine FIVE years old carrying that baggage? but all folks could do is label me and suck their teeth.

I’ve been that unkempt woman who didn’t have female guidance to teach me how to properly care for myself

I’ve been that person that learned how to survive so knew nothing about thriving.

I’ve smoked a lot

I’ve drank a lot

I lost virginity BEFORE adulthood without care or concern about tomorrow.

I had babies outta wedlock

I’ve raised children alone

I’ve felt the agony of losing not one but 2 children that I never held

I’ve had to figure out this parenting thing and made sacrifices and questionable choices along the way. Heck I’m STILL LEARNING!!

I’ve been that woman who stood by and supported a man who’s loyalty was outside our home.

I’ve had bad weave

I’ve left out the house without lotion

I’ve made bad financial decisions

I’ve had and been a bad friend

I’ve dealt with toxic family

I’ve been that person sitting in church pretending

I’ve been made fun of

I’ve been broken

I’ve been confused

I’ve felt invincible

I’ve stood in the middle of the room and cried because I did not know what direction to go

I’ve wanted to DIE

At times I didn’t know there was another way to be. Other times I didn’t know HOW to break free.

The list goes on and on but the bottom line is, unless you understand that people go through stages and not every one story is the same, you have NO IDEA what it is like to live in their world. Even with those making bad decisions, what are you doing besides talking about them, judging them and passing negative energy about them? But the way these opinions are flowing, you’d think God himself appointed you emotional gatekeeper over someone else story.

I’m SO GLAD God stepped directly in my life, because if I had to rely on yall for my deliverance, I’d still be right there giving yall something else to talk about! But shoot, yall talk anyway. Stay tuned! What you see now is just a stage. None of us is where we shall be until it’s the final call.

#BeHumble

About StLouisMartina

We live one life. We have many adventures. It’s not all glitz and glam. It’s not all doom and gloom. But I wake up every day and load my mule! Life is a beautiful mixture of it all. I've learned to always have a song in your heart. I will use my voice to tell my story. I only know one song but I’ll sing it for you. (❤️6’8”)
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