I keep seeing the meme that says some parents owe their children an apology and here’s my 💎
I held resentment against my mother for decades. I was upset at what she should have done, what she did decide to do, what she didn’t teach me, what I lacked, and a list of violations…. finally when I turned 40, we had “the conversation”. I told her how I felt and she responded with 2 phrases that completely changed my life.
1. “Tina, stop wallowing in the mud”. This one pissed me off at first cause I was like how’s that wallowing if I’m expressing my true feelings, trying to clear the air? But the truth is, after some time, you are merely complaining. There’s nothing that nobody on this planet can do to change what had happened. At some point you must choose to move on Regardless of the receipt or neglect of acknowledgement or apology.
2. “Tina, I’m a person too”. And I stood there at 40 years old talking to “my mama” neglecting to respect the fact that besides what I feel that she owe me, she is a human being with her own identity and her own struggles and have given up a good portion of her “good years” taking care of children the best way she knew how. Regardless of parental choices or mistakes she made, I’m fully grown now and no longer her responsibility. She has full right to reclaim her own life and live it as she please.
Those 2 things caused me to accept the apology that I may never get and understand that it’s deeper than that. What if they did their best? What if they didn’t know better? What if they had to make decisions they dare not share? What if their “bad choice” was actually the best choice? Will an apology “fix things”?
To my children I will say that I’ve done my very best with all that God has put within me, made great sacrifices and done things that only God knows in order to give y’all a top notch life. I’ve taught you. I’ve connected you. I’ve made provisions for you. I’ve encouraged you. Should you still find fault in my imperfection, then forgive me because I’m only human and have put my personal battles on hold fighting for you, the best way I knew how.
I decided that rather than expecting my mother to apologize for anything, I will just make the best decisions for myself, and my own children. And you know what. I guarantee, at least one of them will still find complaint…. 🤷🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️